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This is a cross-post from my FA journal.
I'm writing this with what little energy I have today.
Rarely do I feel comfortable making my problems public, but I feel as if people, especially those waiting on refunds, should know. I am not trying to make excuses for myself-- I will continue to refund people as I'm able.
As things are right now in my life, well, they're not good.
Near the end of September, I went in to have a procedure done. For the month or so before that procedure, I had been having gagging fits. I would gag and gag until I either puked or coughed up acid. It was daily, it was affecting my living condition, so, I went to the doctor and they scheduled aforementioned procedure.
They found nothing.
Biopsies, nothing, the camera, nothing. But after that, for some reason, things got worse. In addition to the gagging fits, I now adopted constant burping, and the most troublesome addition yet-- the inability to keep down food.
Anything I consumed, even drinks, I would vomit back up. Literally everything. I went a week or two like this-- not eating, or trying to eat and puking it up. After my condition worsened, (strength fading, weight loss, you know, things that would happen when you're unable to eat for a week), I admitted myself to to ER, to see if perhaps they could find anything.
Once again, they found nothing.
I was sent home after several hours on an IV, to at least provide me with some of the nutrients I couldn't get. I was given tests, medications (which I promptly vomited up once I got home), and returned to this "life" of not being able to eat. They recommended I see a new GI doctor.
But it's been a week, almost two, since I was in the ER. Still can't eat or keep down food. I'm lucky if I can keep down water. As one might imagine, you can't... live, without being able to eat. I'm not doing well. I have no strength, I do nothing but sleep (or puke), I can no longer climb stairs, I can barely walk, and because of my already weak chest muscles, I can barely breathe. My time is spent in bed, and as this drags on, I lose my strength to even be able to sit at my computer.
Since this has started, I've nearly lost 5lbs a week. I can feel my body eating itself. And not only has this unknown condition affected my physical state, but my mental health as well. I was already a pretty... heavily mentally ill person to begin with. With this, I'm pretty much on my last legs. I'm beyond depressed, I have to wonder why I even bother waking up. I'm not going to go into explicit detail, but I'm... not doing well. I don't have the spoons to speak to people, I don't have the spoons to do anything, not even play games, let alone draw or anything else. I'm falling fast, and I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless.
I went to the doctor again today. We've gotten another GI specialist to hopefully help find out what's wrong with me (the hospital I was at is god awful). Because I can't continue on like this. I don't know how much longer I can last not being able to eat. If I suddenly disappear, I'm sorry. I've probably ended back up in the hospital.
I suppose that's the gist of it all. Please forgive me for not being talkative, I don't know if I'll have anymore energy to respond or speak today. I had blood taken earlier, and without food, that's drained me further.
I promise I'll get back on what I owe when things start to look up at all. I don't know when, but I promise. Right now I need a lot of money for my medical bills through all of this.
I'm sorry, for everything.
I'm writing this with what little energy I have today.
Rarely do I feel comfortable making my problems public, but I feel as if people, especially those waiting on refunds, should know. I am not trying to make excuses for myself-- I will continue to refund people as I'm able.
As things are right now in my life, well, they're not good.
Near the end of September, I went in to have a procedure done. For the month or so before that procedure, I had been having gagging fits. I would gag and gag until I either puked or coughed up acid. It was daily, it was affecting my living condition, so, I went to the doctor and they scheduled aforementioned procedure.
They found nothing.
Biopsies, nothing, the camera, nothing. But after that, for some reason, things got worse. In addition to the gagging fits, I now adopted constant burping, and the most troublesome addition yet-- the inability to keep down food.
Anything I consumed, even drinks, I would vomit back up. Literally everything. I went a week or two like this-- not eating, or trying to eat and puking it up. After my condition worsened, (strength fading, weight loss, you know, things that would happen when you're unable to eat for a week), I admitted myself to to ER, to see if perhaps they could find anything.
Once again, they found nothing.
I was sent home after several hours on an IV, to at least provide me with some of the nutrients I couldn't get. I was given tests, medications (which I promptly vomited up once I got home), and returned to this "life" of not being able to eat. They recommended I see a new GI doctor.
But it's been a week, almost two, since I was in the ER. Still can't eat or keep down food. I'm lucky if I can keep down water. As one might imagine, you can't... live, without being able to eat. I'm not doing well. I have no strength, I do nothing but sleep (or puke), I can no longer climb stairs, I can barely walk, and because of my already weak chest muscles, I can barely breathe. My time is spent in bed, and as this drags on, I lose my strength to even be able to sit at my computer.
Since this has started, I've nearly lost 5lbs a week. I can feel my body eating itself. And not only has this unknown condition affected my physical state, but my mental health as well. I was already a pretty... heavily mentally ill person to begin with. With this, I'm pretty much on my last legs. I'm beyond depressed, I have to wonder why I even bother waking up. I'm not going to go into explicit detail, but I'm... not doing well. I don't have the spoons to speak to people, I don't have the spoons to do anything, not even play games, let alone draw or anything else. I'm falling fast, and I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless.
I went to the doctor again today. We've gotten another GI specialist to hopefully help find out what's wrong with me (the hospital I was at is god awful). Because I can't continue on like this. I don't know how much longer I can last not being able to eat. If I suddenly disappear, I'm sorry. I've probably ended back up in the hospital.
I suppose that's the gist of it all. Please forgive me for not being talkative, I don't know if I'll have anymore energy to respond or speak today. I had blood taken earlier, and without food, that's drained me further.
I promise I'll get back on what I owe when things start to look up at all. I don't know when, but I promise. Right now I need a lot of money for my medical bills through all of this.
I'm sorry, for everything.
life can change in an instant
I don't talk about myself much, and I prefer to keep things private, but I feel like I need to share this, for once
I don't know how known this is, but I'm a very ill, sickly person. I'm mentally ill and chronically ill. I've been in and out of doctors and hospitals all my life. One of my illnesses has no cure. I will live with it for the rest of my life. I'm not going to go into detail about this, but for those who know, well, you know. for those who don't, it basically makes it so a majority of things I consume (including water), I puke back up. It's hard for me to eat. and thus, with life-sustaining functions like eating and drinking impa
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i got some toyhouse codes
toyhouse is a site where you can post/keep track of your character's profiles and such! I think you can also RP and stuff there, it's a really neat site. maaaybe you've heard of it? anyway.... I have more codes than I know what to do with anymore and people I've been asking don't seem to be taking the codes anymore, so I thought I'd come here. I have about 6 now to give out I think, so if anyone wants one, let me know! here's my page: https://toyhou.se/zephyrzaivian
sorry for being so inactive btw lol I have a lot going on in my life including my constant poor health and right now I'm not even at my actual house so there's not much I can do
i moved to canada/other stuff
well, I took the big leap and moved out of the country. from the us to canada. I'm in vancouver now! To be fair, I arrived around the 8th, haha. I moved all my stuff via ubox, but I've yet to get it. It's been delivered and is waiting for us to go pick it up, but we haven't had the time, and we have to plan for people to help us move it.
So for the last... almost month, I've been without a proper computer. I have my laptop, but this is probably over 5 years old by now. So it's crap. Barely runs anything and overheats. I can't draw with it. Even if I had my tablet, I don't have my art programs or WIPs. I had pictures to upload (a few are actu
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Once again, A+ American healthcare.
Please don't slip away ebbabutts.
Please don't slip away ebbabutts.